Battle of the SexesPCA style
by boshrocks
Summary: i made a huge mistake last time and put the wrong document in this story heading. i'm really sorry! oksummery: It's a Battle as old as time but now the PCA students decide to reawaken it. i will love any kind person who reviews me, but flamers get nothing
1. Basketball

Nicole smiled as she sat in the bright summer sun out by the basketball courts as she sat there sunbathing and watching Zoey take on Michael and Logan…and as usual…kicking their butts at basketball.

Nicole giggled as she saw her best friend slam dunk another one. She turned to Lola who had grown bored and was learning a new part.

"Isn't Zoey great at basketball? I think she's great!"

"Yes Nicole, she's great. If you want to do something productive you can help me learn my words."

"Which play you in this time?"

"It's another one that Chase wrote. He's such a good writer. It's good stuff, but quite hard to learn."

"This play wouldn't be his 'Curse of the Killer Locket' would it?"

"Yeah, I'm auditioning for the lead. Why?"

"He kinda already gave the lead to Zoey. Sorry!"

"Oh well. Zoey is a really good player. When's she coming over?"

"Who? Oh her! She'll be back in about a week's time. Zoey knows all the details, ask her. What makes you ask?"

"Hey Zoey!" Lola called and Zoey pushed Logan out of the way to get over to the girls. "Your friend's coming back in a week isn't she? Why don't we surprise the boys? Challenge them to a battle of the sexes basketball game and we'll show them who's boss, right."

"Great idea. We did that in our first week here and we nearly won but Logan being who he is had to gloat about it. I'm guessing you mean that we don't let them know she's back?"

"Of course Zo, that's the whole point of the surprise. She's staying in our dorm isn't she?"

"Should be. We'll keep her hidden and have the match on that Saturday that she arrives. I'll go phone her when I've made the challenge."

Zoey turned and stalked back to the boys, both of whom stared at her, Michael with trepidation…it was never a good thing when she looked that determined, and Logan because he just thought she looked so hot, but, jerk though he was, Chase had been in love with her since their first meeting and he respected that…therefore he would make no move on her.

"Boys, I have a challenge for you. A match actually. This coming Saturday your five best basketball players and my best five will face off in true battle of the sexes style."

"That's not a fair challenge, Zoey." Logan said smirking. "Last time you lost badly and your team is missing its best player. We'd beat you into the ground if we took you on."

"You're just chicken. We've improved a lot since we last played and we will beat you. Are you game?"

"Alright, anything to see you publicly disgraced." He replied with a shrug.

"Good. I have to go. I have a call to make. Don't burn in the sun boys." Zoey said brightly as she spun briskly on her heel and stalked away from the courts.

"As if I would!" Logan shouted after her.

"Dude…you are a little red." Michael said tentatively.

"WHAT! I don't burn!"

---------------------------------------

Saturday saw the court stands crowded with people and five girls looking so determined that the five boys looked a little nervous.

Zoey and Logan faced off as captains of the teams with said teams bunched behind them.

"You seriously have no imagination, Logan. That's the same team you challenged us with last time around."

"Compared to your bunch of losers I think we rank very highly. What's Lola doing on your team anyway, she can't play?"

"Yes she can."

"All girls are losers anyway. You're so going down today. You may look hot but you're such wimps that you'll scream and run away when the ball comes near you."

"You did not just say that! Do you realize what you've done? You have to play against five severely pissed off girls all of whom are under the influence of PMS."

"Oh bugger."

"You got that right, jerk! Oh and we have another surprise for you. We hope you like it."

The girls parted revealing Dana Cruz who looked hotter and more pissed off than Logan remembered her.

"Dana!" he spluttered. Oh god, they were in trouble now. Girls like Zoey were manageable on PMS times, well, kinda…but Dana…they may as well bury themselves now, save time.

During the game the boys seemed to be a little distracted by what the girls were wearing. Zoey had instructed her team to wear sexy sports kit, short skirts and crop tops etcetera.

Lola turned out to be an incredibly good player…and Zoey and Dana certainly looked like they were in kick butt mode. They worked as a surprisingly seamless team, because they kept their eyes open for opportunities.

By half time the girls were 20 points up on the boy's pitiful score of 2.

"Bet you weren't expecting that." Lola said smirking.

Pause.

"Oh shut up!" Logan said looking thoroughly put out that he wasn't winning.

The end score was a shameful 3 points to a terrific score of 43 from the girls.

"Well done boys, you played well today. I guess you just aren't much of a match for the girls." Zoey said gracefully, holding out her hand to Logan.

He slapped it away as if it had a disease. He then spat on the ground in front of her.

"Wow, that was rude." Lola said.

"Its Logan. He's a jerk."

"Zoey Brooks, we have both just entered a war. The battle of the sexes may be as old as time, but right now its at PCA!" Logan shouted a little distance away.

The girls shrugged but Zoey's mind was already working out a battle plan. No way would Logan win this one. Not after prank week. She shuddered as she remembered the frozen jello he had slipped down the back of her shirt and the fact that he had stolen all of her shoes and she hadn't been able to fit into any of Nicole's. No way would those stupid boys win this one. Not if she could help it.


	2. Toads

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Zoey's hand came out from under her blanket and slapped the snooze button on her alarm clock without opening her eyes.

Twenty minutes later.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Zoey rubbed her eyes with her hands and pinched the bridge of her nose in a vain attempt to wake herself up.

She turned on her side and opened her eyes.

Her gaze met that of a large toad.

She screamed.

"Alright! I'm up! I'm up!" Nicole exclaimed as she sat up quickly.

"Shut the hell up, Zoey!" Dana shouted angrily.

Zoey just kept screaming.

Over in the boys dorm Logan hit Michael to wake him up.

"Listen to that, guys."

Crowding to the window the three guys heard the distant screams of a certain Ms Zoey Brooks.

"Well, at least we know they're afraid of toads!" Michael hi-fived Logan.

Back to the girls.

Lola was awake now and she blinked a couple of times before asking in a slurry voice.

"What the heck's going on?"

"Take a look at this!"

Zoey picked up the toad, after first wrapping it in a towel; well, she didn't want warts, and shoved it into Lola's face.

She stared at it for a minute and then screamed and sat up so quickly that Zoey only just had time to dart out of the way.

"OW!" Lola shouted. She had momentarily forgotten that she was on the bottom bunk and had inevitably hit her head on the top one.

Zoey called a meeting once they had showered and changed. As she faced the other girls in her dorm her face was grim and in her hand was the toad.

"I don't think I need to look far to find the culprits of this little prank. Those boys will pay for scaring me like that."

"You're damn right they will!" Dana said cracking her knuckles in a rather menacing fashion.

"Thank you. Lola, can you design a few booby traps we can set up in their dorm at night and get Quinn to set up a boy detector so that we can know when they try to pull another stunt like that. Nicole, you're in charge of seeing the openings and weaknesses on the boys, things like an attention to another person and any secrets you can uncover about them. Dana and I will come up with pranks and fight with them. Any pranks they try to do to us we will shrug them off and show that they didn't affect us, even if they did. We mustn't show the boys that they can get to us easily."

* * *

At lunch that day they all sat together on the quad. Dana sat next to Zoey and noticed that her bag was wriggling a little. She shot Zoey a questioning look.

"Payback for the toad stunt." Zoey hissed into her ear, pointing at Logan subtly.

A little later.

"Keep him busy." Zoey winked at Dana and they got up at the same time and Dana walked sassily over to Logan and sat on his lap.

Everyone was so surprised that no one noticed Zoey take something out of her bag and make her way over to them.

They timed it so that as Zoey reached them Dana put her arms round Logan's neck and she subtly pulled the neck of his shirt back so that it hung open slightly and as Zoey walked past she slipped the toad down his shirt.

Dana got up from his lap and Zoey took her place.

"Feel that? Remember when you put frozen jello down my back? Well, I just put something worse down yours. Enjoy!"

And she got up and she and Dana linked arms and walked off.

They were on the other side of the quad before they heard his screams of fright mixed with a few swear words. Turning back to look at him they saw him hopping around trying to dislodge it and then he fell down the steps and into the fountain. He looked up and saw the two girls standing over him grinning broadly.

"Nice!" they said together in the same tone of voice as they turned away.


	3. Fights

"What do you know, Zoey? You're a girl and girls don't know anything!" Logan screeched at her.

"Well, I would like to see your point of view but I'm afraid I can't get my head that far up my arse!" she retorted equally angrily.

The two had been fighting for a good half an hour. On the quad. In front of everybody.

"Have you been shopping lately? They're selling lives at the mall, I suggest you go buy one."

"Keep talking, someday you're likely to say something remotely intelligent."

"Nothing you say can affect me Brooks."

"No…but I know a few things I can do to affect you."

What she did then made all the boys gasp. The girls had been expecting it as they knew what his weaknesses were.

Zoey closed the gap between them and kissed Logan full on the lips.

They seemed to get really into it before he pushed her away.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"This!"

Since she was still quite close to him she brought her knee up and into his groin.

Logan crumpled, whimpering.

"Jerk." She finished quietly and calmly. "By the way, you are in desperate need of some kissing lessons. I confess myself disappointed. I was expecting better."

"You're a bitch, do you know that?"

"Probably. You bring out the worst in me. Come on girls."

As the girls retreated Michael and Chase came to help him up.

"I've never seen her like that."

"She's like a whole different person."

"It doesn't matter. I kept my head while she was kissing me and slipped itching powder down her back. You set up the scary sound machine in their room didn't you Michael?"

"Sure thing. Tonight they're going to be scared out of their lives."

Zoey and Dana knocked on Quinn's door. She stuck her head out.

"Quinn? We have a little job for you."

"If it has anything to do with this silly prank war then I'm not helping you." She made to shut the door but the others stopped her.

"Please Quinn."

"You do know they started that rumor about you?"

"What rumor?"

"The one about you having cheated in the regional science championships. And that you only won because you slept with the judges."

"What! They didn't? Okay, I'm in! What do you need?"

The other two grinned at each other maliciously.


	4. Water Balloons

"Okay Quinn? Can you do that?"

"Easy stuff. I'll have it ready for you in two hours. I'll show those boys a thing or two! No one messes with me!"

Quinn pushed them out of the room and slammed the door.

"Okay, that was freaky!"

"Whatever, we need her. None of us have the brainpower like she does." Zoey stated glaring out of the window.

Suddenly she grinned, then giggled, then laughed. Dana shot her a questioning look before Zoey pointed out of the window.

Nicole was busy hoisting up Chase's bike onto the flagpole on the quad.

Dana laughed as well and they ran out to help her since she wasn't very strong and seemed to be having trouble hoisting it up there.

Later.

Michael looked out of the window and saw the flagpole. The flag looks oddly clumpy today. Wait, that's not a flag…

"Um, Chase. You might wanna see this."

"What is it?"

Michael pointed at the flagpole.

"What? The flag looks clumpy, no biggie."

Michael shook his head and bit his lip.

"That isn't a flag, is it?"

Michael shook his head again, his lip now getting rather red.

"It's my bike isn't it?"

This time the head nodded.

Chase dashed out and Michael watched as eh untied his bike…only to have it fall on him as he let go of the rope. Michael went out to see if he was okay.

Neither saw Quinn exit their dorm or the high five she gave Zoey. Then they went out to the boy's roof to set up another prank. Dana, Lola and Nicole were already up there.

Once up there the girls set up their prank and saw the three boys on the quad. They called down a hello to them. They knew this would bring the guys straight up to their roof to kick the girls out. Their roof was _their_ roof.

The girls settled themselves on the sun-loungers and when the door handle creaked they covered themselves with their towels.

You see, opening the door had triggered the mechanism that Lola had designed and the mechanism released the balloons which were designed to be full of water, which in turn were designed to soak the boys who opened the door.

Basically, as soon as the door opened the boys were bombarded with water balloons.

Naturally they swore rather loudly and the girls tried not to giggle as they saw the drowned rats before them when they poked their heads out from under their towels.

The boys looked at each other before turning together to glare at the girls who cowered and then grabbed their stuff and bolted for the door.

"I want the mother of all water balloons made up immediately!" Logan shouted.


	5. Molly Dolly

That night the girls heard the rustle of rats and the creaking of floorboards.

Nicole started to freak out and was about to crawl down into Zoey's bed.

"Nicole stop! It's just a device set up by those beastly boys to try and scare us." Zoey admonished.

"Trouble is it _is_ scaring me!" Nicole whimpered.

"Ignore it. We'll find it in the morning. Go back to sleep."

"But-"

"Go back to sleep!"

The boys were getting a scare of their own at that very moment.

They cowered on Logan's bed as the doll slowly walked towards them in a menacing fashion.

"Come to me. Come and play with me. If you won't play with me then I will have to punish you." she said creepily, drawing a knife as she spoke. "In our next game you are going to be the victim of a bloody murder. Why won't you come and play with me? I'm your friend." Here the dolls eyes glowed red. "You want to play with me. You are my only friends. Come and play with me."

The boys couldn't see her clearly, except the eyes, since it was moonlight. That only made her more menacing. Michaels hand sought out the light switch by the door next to the bed.

"Turn it off!" Chase whimpered.

The doll had a torn blue dress on which had some red stains on it. The plastic face was charred and burnt, and seemed to have melted. Her hair was burnt in places and was smoking slightly. A trickle of blood was oozing out of the corner of her mouth and her teeth were stained with blood as she spoke on.

"Come to me. Come and play with me. Come to me. Don't be scared. I won't hurt you. I'll kill you but I won't hurt you. Come and play with me. You're my friends. I want to play with you."

She continued like that all night.

In the morning the boys didn't show up for breakfast so Zoey and Quinn went up to their dorm to see if they were alright.

They found the doll sitting in the middle of the room serenely watching the boys who had at last fallen asleep on Logan's bed. All of them were pale and still clinging onto each other.

Quinn went over an switched the doll off and Zoey took some pictures of the boys on the bed. Quinn then left with the doll and Zoey woke them up.

Groggily they looked around and realised where they were and that it was Zoey who had just woken them up.

They all yelled and Zoey had to jump out of the way as they all fell off the bed.

"Looks like you boys had a fun night." She said smirking.

"Is it gone?"

"Is what gone?"

Logan slowly shook his head looking like he was going to be sick. They all looked like they were going to cry. Zoey had to suppress a laugh as she saw them struggling to stop the tears from spilling over.

"I just came in to see where you guys were. You missed breakfast. You had better hurry up and get dressed or you'll miss your first lessons." She said lightly before taking another picture and dashing out of the room. They heard her laughing in the corridor outside and could have sworn they also heard Quinn's laugh.

"They got us! Again. Man, they're really good."

"Do you think they bought the over scared act?"

"Well if they did and tell the other girls, and the whole school no doubt, then they have nothing to prove it with."

If only they knew what the girls had done.

Soon the whole school would know what they had done. One word to that annoying school journalist and this prank would be complete.


	6. Pranks

It seemed as though the girls could do no wrong when they turned on the tv and saw the newsflash report on the battle of the sexes, which the girls seemed to be winning.

"Damn strait!" Zoey said to no one in particular when they sat in the lounge watching this report. "Can't let stupid boys get the better of us. Of course we're winning." She was now addressing the reporter who had just questioned who the winner would be.

At the moment it was definitely the girls but they had to give credit where it was due, the boys had played a few good pranks.

The morning after the report about the Molly Dolly had appeared, complete with the after photos taken by Zoey, she and Dana had been drenched with a massive water balloon as they walked to class across the quad. They had suffered a terrible mocking and considered themselves soundly humiliated.

Only this morning Nicole had run screaming into the dorm with red marks on her body and streaks on the towel she was clutching around her. It transpired that the boys had put red food dye in the shower cap and Nicole was under the impression it was blood.

They had cornered Lola in class by sending her lots of IM messages so that her computer beeped and she got into trouble.

They had taken a picture of Zoey in the shower and posted it on the school website. Mind you she and Quinn got their own back for this one by rigging a waterproof tape recorder in the boys shower bad recording Logan singing in the shower, very much out of tune. They had played it over the speaker system during lunch with an introduction.

What the girls hadn't told the boys was that Molly Dolly had a camera inside one of the eyes and had recorded the whole episode. They were planning to present it to the class as their media project on fear in the human male.

The girls exchanged the glass in all of Logan's mirrors so that he looked fat and short.

They locked Michael in the bathroom with Quinn's pet snake and recorded his screams.

Chase awoke one day to find that his hair was matted with honey. All the girls had needed to do was pour it onto his pillow and a little in his hair and by the morning he made a bison look beautiful and graceful by comparison.

And so it continued. Whatever the boys tried to do to the girls, they responded ten times better and faster than the boys did. If the boys tried to scare them with a fake spider, they got their own back with a real one.

As the weeks wore on the boys got more and more frustrated until they were forced to admit defeat.

Although they came to them privately and admitted that they were beaten, the girls still made them admit defeat publicly. Which they grudgingly did.

It was lucky that the girls had yet to hand in their male fear film, because the boys had one more trick up their sleeves.


	7. The Boy´s Last Prank

Zoey should have seen it coming. She knew what Logan was like. She might have known he wouldn't just give up.

The boys, or rather Logan on his own, had pulled another prank. One which sent Nicole into therapy and Zoey not so much as angry but down right enraged. Miserable as well. The Dean would have suspended Logan for it, if he had taken the blame for it…and if his father wasn't the head of a major production company.

Logan pushed it too far. He was well known for taking things too far, but what he did was just mean.

It was so clever and surprisingly simple that Zoey didn't know how she had missed it.

It was about a week after the boys had forfeited. Everything seemed to be fine until Nicole's shampoo went missing. Naturally she asked Zoey to lend her some. And, naturally, Zoey did without giving it a second thought. They both washed their hair on the same day and used the shampoo from the same bottle.

They first noticed something was wrong when their hair brushes took away a lot of hair with them. Zoey stared at her brush and then put her hand up to her hair…whereupon a large clump came free.

Shakily Lola handed her a mirror. She screamed and passed the mirror on to Nicole…who also started screaming.

Dana and Lola tried their hardest to calm them down but when they failed Lola went to Quinn's room to explain the situation and to beg for an antidote to the hair remover and something to calm them down.

Quinn said she would get to work on an antidote but for the meantime she recommended they wear hats to hide the rapidly balding patches. She demanded seeing the girls and Zoey's shampoo which it transpired had caused the hair loss.

"My fingerprint scan of the bottle revealed one of Logan's. I'm guessing he's the one who made the switch."

"Logan. I should have known." Dana cracked her knuckles in a threatening manner, clearly implying that she would thump him for this stunt.

Zoey looked downcast. What would Chase think of her now? Oh well. A boy like him would still be her friend even if she was bald.

Bald? Oh god, please no! Personal appearance was very important to Zoey and, as for Nicole, it was her whole life.

Neither left the dorm that day and Nicole spent most of it weeping and trying to stick her hair back into her head.

The other girls in the grade were very nice to them and visited them often, bringing them lunch and a vast selection of hats to cover the bald spots.

"We can't just wear hats for the rest of the semester. We'd look like total idiots." Zoey pointed out.

Lola suggested that the other girls also wear hats and they say that it was some sort of new fashion statement. The other girls agreed and some of the girls went out to town after school and came back with a multitude of hats of various shapes and forms.

The boys in the school shouldn't have found out about Logan's stunt were it not for the fact that the school was situated by the sea and therefore received a lot of wind.

Nicole was refusing to leave the room and was under the care of a nurse and therapist. The boys had questioned her whereabouts and the girls had responded with the excuse that Nicole was ill and had to stay in bed.

One of the hats Zoey was wearing was a cowboy hat and as they sat in lunch a few days later, the wind blew it off her head. Zoey noticed and grabbed Lola's hat before the boys could notice anything was wrong.

Unfortunately they did. They had seen her hair, or lack of it, and were now staring at her in open mouthed surprise.

"Zoey, what-"

"Nothing happened. At least nothing that concerns you. Or maybe it does concern you? Perhaps you can tell me why I'm going bald? I was under the impression that the Prank War was over since you boys surrendered. Clearly no one gave you the memo about it! Do you think it's funny, huh, making my hair fall out? And it's not growing back either! Someone had better give me a decent explanation or your heads will be the new PCA board signs!"

"Zoey, we swear we had nothing to do with this." Chase and Michael said at once. No one messed with Zoey when she was that angry and upset.

No matter how much they protested their innocence the girls wouldn't believe them. It wasn't until Lola spotted Logan laughing and pointing on one of the balconies above them that they realised that he was the lead perpetrator in the plot. Then it clicked for Zoey.

"All girls gather in the girls lounge for an emergency meeting!" Zoey shouted.

A few minutes later they were all there. Zoey and Dana got up on a table so they could address the girls.

"Alright, I know that we have already won the Prank war, but I'm sorry they can't get away with this. We all know well that Logan is known for taking things too far. We've all been on the receiving end of him at some point since we've been here, mostly during prank week. He is to blame for this, I'm sure of that. And I also know that we would all like to get our own back on the biggest jerk at PCA." Dana fired off quickly.

"If we let him get away with this then he could do the same to you. I will not let what happened to me happen to the rest of you. Who's with me?"

The vote was unanimous. Logan was in for a surprise.


	8. Payback Plans

Zoey and Dana had their work cut out for them to come up with a brilliant payback prank. Quinn and Lola tried to come up with ideas. Even Nicole came out of her depression to help.

They were all gathered in Zoey's room thinking about it. Quinn was pacing impatiently.

"I got it!" she suddenly exclaimed.

"Tell us, quick!" Lola encouraged.

"One word: Chickenstein."

"What's that?" Dana asked sharing her blank look with her room mates.

"Simple. Somehow we trap him and cover him in honey or some other sticky solution and then hold a bag of feathers in front of a fan in front of him so that he gets covered in feathers. We make sure that everyone can see him and that that annoying news guy is there filming it. or we film it ourselves and send it to him via the internet."

"Quinn…you're a genius!" Lola cried.

"No, she's not. It's not big enough. That would be a regular prank war prank. We've gone nuclear here. No, Quinn, not literally. We need more. We need the most amazing stunt PCA has ever seen. We'll keep your plan as plan B for now and if we can't come up with anything better then we can use it." Zoey finished, sinking onto her bed despondently.

"I have it!" she said after a silent pause. "We play on his manhood. Other than himself, who does Logan fancy?"

"Hot girls?"

"Right. We need to talk to the other girls."

Ten minutes later in the girls lounge.

Zoey gets up on the coffee table and shouts for quiet.

"Ladies, I have a plan. Logan is in for a shock. A big one. Okay, there's a dance in a week isn't there? The Valentines dance. We are going to ask him to go with us to it. All of us. This week we all must look super hot and be very flirty with him. He can't refuse. Try and snog him if you can. I know that the last thing you want to do is snog the most arrogant bloke on the planet, but it'll make it more convincing. Then at the dance one of us picks a fight and we all shout at each other making sure we get everyone else's attention. Then one will turn on Logan and start yelling at him for cheating on her. Then we all start yelling at him for cheating."

"This sounds really risky, Zo." Nicole said doubtfully.

"It is risky, but if we all act really well then maybe it will work."

"No we need a safer plan. I know, we can use your plan, but change it slightly. We send ourselves valentines signed by Logan."

"Dana, that's almost as risky as mine. I say we send him hate valentines." Zoey said looking around at the girls.

"What's hate valentines?" Quinn asked her.

"It's like hate mail but they look like valentines. If we all send him a couple he'll think he really is Casanova until we drop the bomb on him. Nicole, we have a special job to do."

"We do?"

"Yes. What do you say we give Logan a few forgiveness kisses…right after we've eaten something like tuna?"

"Oh, I get it! Foul breath kisses."

"Also, I say we water bomb him…with stinkbombs. He hates it when he smells." Lola put in.

"Good one."

"How do we know he won't fight back?" Victoria asked from the front of the group.

"Guilt. And the media studies film posted on the school website."

"What media studies film?"

"The one we made of the Molly Dolly episode. The one about fear in the adolescent male." Zoey reminded them. "Okay, ladies, buy the most valentiny cards you can find. Make your own if you have to. Inside them write something horrible about Logan. On the day we leave them for him to find. Somewhere public; in classes and lunch. I'll keep you posted as to what we're doing at the party. These are your instructions. Can you do them?"

The girls cheered. Oh yes they would do that.

As they turned to leave Zoey stopped them, " Oh, and if he asks any of you on a date I suggest you refuse horribly. If anyone is in need of some good burns I have a whole list of them. Come and see me and you can choose your favourites."


End file.
